Busting Bi-Myths - Being Bisexual In a Monosexual World

No one is really bisexual. It's just a phase. They're either gay and they can't admit it, or they're straight and they're just experimenting. Why can't they make up their minds? Bisexuals can't be trusted. They'll just leave you for a man/woman. Bisexuals can't be monogamous. They can't be happy unless they're sleeping with a man and a woman at the same time. Bisexuals don't have real relationships. They're fun for a roll in the hay though. Bisexuals are AIDS vectors, infecting innocent straight women/lesbians. They have no culture, no history. They weren't here from the beginning, so why do they have to force their way into the gay and lesbian community now? Bisexual women are sleeping with the enemy. They are stealing lesbian energy and giving it to men. They just want heterosexual privilege. Bisexual men are all in the closet, sneaking around on their wives. When the going gets tough, the bisexuals can't be counted on. Bisexuals are apolitical: they're just interested in sex. We don't have time for bisexual issues. We didn't include any bisexuals in the study because they mess up the statistics. Besides, we asked everyone if they were gay or straight, and no one said they were bisexual. It's easy to be bisexual because it's chic.

These are the myths and prejudices that bisexuals must confront every day. We find ourselves constantly having to explain ourselves, and even having to assert that we exist, to straight, gay and lesbian people (a.k.a. monosexuals). We are treated like leprechauns, occasionally "discovered" on talk shows and in magazines, only to be forgotten about again. In the movies, we are the ones with the ice picks, sleeping with the father and the daughter, and then killing the mother. We exist to destroy the "real" relationships that gay or straight people have. I can count on one hand the positive portrayals of bisexuals in the media I've seen, and I wouldn't be using all five fingers. 

Bisexuals face the same homophobia that gays and lesbians do..

Bisexuals face the same homophobia that gays and lesbians do; the radical right (in the U.S.) is always sure to include us in their agenda. We experience the same violence, discrimination, repercussions for coming out at work, risk of losing custody of our children, and even losing our lives, that gays and lesbians do. Bashers don't beat us up half way because we're "half gay." While gays and lesbians may claim we have "heterosexual privilege," really we just have the same choice that they do, to be in or out of the closet. And I've been called "fag" more than once by homophobes who perceived me as my husband's "boyfriend."

Biphobia, however, is the unique form of oppression that bisexuals face, and we get it from both sides. It can take the form of overt hatred and violence (yes, even from gays and lesbians), or the more subtle forms of ostracism from gay and lesbian communities we have always been a part of, and a general societal denial of the existence of bisexuality. Bisexuals often take longer than gays and lesbians to come out, because everyone tells us we must choose gay or straight. We are told to stifle "half" of ourselves to fit in a box. Until recently, bisexuality was not even on the map.

Where does biphobia come from? Part of it is a fear of sexuality: conservatives accuse us of seeking sexual pleasure, a cardinal sin in the puritan U.S. Moreover, monosexuals are often threatened by the concept of bisexuality because it erases the line they have drawn between straight and gay, between man and woman. It calls into question their notion of sexual orientation, and for some of them it brings up fears that they might bisexual too. Bisexuality reveals that sexual orientation is much more complicated than most people would like to think. In short, bisexuals are an unstable element. We can't be pinned down, and we can't be fenced in.

Bisexuality is a potential. We do not need to be having sex with a man and a woman to be bisexual.

So what is a bisexual? A bisexual is someone who is capable of being attracted to people of more than one gender. Beyond that, it's hard to define bisexuality because each bi person has a unique path, history and life experience. Most importantly though, bisexuality is a potential. We do not need to be having sex with a man and a woman to be bisexual. It's who we are, not who we're with. You can't understand bisexuality unless you can give up the comfortable dichotomies of gay or straight, male or female. Bisexuals are often accused of "batting for both teams." If heterosexuals and gays/lesbians are opposing baseball teams, then bisexuals are off flying kites in left field. We are playing a completely different game. 

Bisexuality is often understood in terms of the Kinsey scale, with 0 being "totally heterosexual" and 6 being "totally homosexual." Are bisexuals then the 3's, or the 1's through 5's? We are asked how straight or gay we are, or we are accused of being "not enough" of one or "too much" of the other. I don't experience my sexuality as something that linear or quantifiable. More accurately, it is a different way of seeing the world.

Both heterosexuality and homosexuality, while very different culturally, are organized around gender, with a firm barrier between "the gender I'm attracted to" and "the gender I'm not attracted to." For bisexuals, however, gender is not a limit. It is just another aspect of a person, like race or age. Some bisexuals feel that gender is an important distinction, and their desire is very different towards different genders; others are just attracted to the individual, regardless of the plumbing. Because bisexuals' erotic lives don't depend on that barrier between male and female, we often have a kinship for transgender people (and of course some of us are transgender). For me, gender is a complex dance, not an on/off switch. It is this ability to play with gender that attracts me to other bisexuals. 

I do a lot of organizing in my local bisexual community, and I am a part of the small but growing International Bisexual Conspiracy, as I like to call it. Therefore I spend a lot of my time talking to bisexuals about their lives. What comes up again and again is the feeling of homelessness, of rejection at a very personal level. It is on this most personal level, of relationships, sex and love, that I think bisexuals suffer the most. Many bisexuals get caught in the heart-wrenching situation of coming out in the middle of a long-term relationship, and having a partner who flips out. In the movies, it's always told from the poor partner's perspective, but we don't get to hear what it's like for the bisexual. We are sometimes strangers in our own homes.

It's hard for bisexuals to find partners given the rampant biphobia among heterosexuals and gays and lesbians.

It's hard for bisexuals to find partners given the rampant biphobia among heterosexuals and gays and lesbians. If I had a nickel for every person, gay or straight, who has felt perfectly comfortable telling me why they are prejudiced against bisexuals, I could quit my job. A well-respected gay author was once giving a talk about the connections between the lesbian and gay male communities, and I asked him if he thought that bisexuals played a role in bridging the gap. "I hate bisexuals," he replied. "A friend of mine was raped by one." Why on earth he thought that if one bisexual was a rapist then we all were, and that it was OK to say that in public and I wouldn't be offended, I don't know. 

I have lots of straight female friends who lament the lack of "good men," but when I point out all of these wonderful bi men I know, they tell me they are afraid of getting HIV. "Why aren't you afraid of getting HIV from a straight guy??!!" I scream at them. And many lesbians feel comfortable having unprotected sex with women, as long as those women don't identify as bisexual. The virus doesn't care what your sexual orientation is. But most HIV prevention is aimed at heterosexuals or gay men, and it rarely acknowledges that people (regardless of how they identify) may have sex with men and women.

Fear of HIV aside, most monosexuals assume that bisexuals cannot "commit." We are fun for a romp in bed, but not for a serious relationship. People tell me this to my face all the time, as if I'd be flattered. If a heterosexual man can give up all other women for one woman, then why can't a bisexual person give up all other people? And yes, most bisexuals are monogamous. Some of us choose to be polyamorous (have relationships with more than one person), but we are the minority. In my experience, the iciness of the lesbian community is far worse than anything a heterosexual has said to me. It's getting better, but still there are lesbians who won't even make eye contact with me, a known bisexual. I've had women stop mid-sentence and walk away when I mention that I'm married. They act as if I've tried to trick them, but they are the ones who assume that I am a lesbian. I always come out as bisexual at the earliest opportunity. When I came out in the late 1980's in Ithaca, New York, a small, hip college town, there was an active gay and lesbian community. I was a member of the Lesbian and Gay Task Force, and the treasurer was also an out bisexual. One day I was stuffing envelopes for them for a dance, which invited the "lesbian and gay community." I asked if bisexuals were invited too. "Oh no," I was told, "we don't have room for your issues." "Well then why the hell am I stuffing your envelopes?" I wondered. 

On the other hand, there is the myth that bisexuality is somehow more acceptable to heterosexuals than being gay. My parents sure didn't think it was cool when I came out to them after college. Like many parents, they went through the "Why are you doing this to us?" phase. They couldn't understand why I would be with a woman if I could be with a man. (I was actually wondering the opposite at the time!) They were also convinced that my bisexual husband was going to give me AIDS, because their image of a bisexual man was someone romping around in the woods having unprotected sex with hundreds of men. In reality, he's only managed to have sex with a few men, and practices safe sex, as I do and as everyone should. It's taken my parents many years to start to have a comfort level with my bisexuality, and they still seem surprised sometimes when I bring it up, as if I would have forgotten about it when I got married.

I've come out as bi a few times, with mixed reactions.

I've also had my share of conservative Christian colleagues tell me I'm going to burn in hell, and the occasional male coworker who thinks I'm a "hot bi babe" who of course wants to fulfill his fantasies. For the most part though, people are pretty accepting at my workplace, although some of them just seem confused by me. 

Now I'm a well-seasoned bisexual organizer, but I don't know how to approach the topic of bisexuality in the classroom. I tell my students I'm married, and so they think I'm straight. I've come out as bi a few times, with mixed reactions. I feel like I'm doing it in a vacuum though. While some ESL/EFL texts now mention gays and lesbians (rightly so), I have never seen the word bisexual in one. In my 8 years of teaching ESL, I've only once had a student who knew what "bisexual" meant. She was Latina, and she explained that a bisexual is a man who is the "active" sexual partner, as opposed to the gay, who is "receptive" (to put it euphemistically). I understand that this is a common definition of bisexuality in Latin America, and that most Latin men who have sex with men identify as bisexual. However, I, her Anglo bisexual female teacher, did not fit into this paradigm at all. 

My students' ignorance is part of the larger invisibility of bisexuality. We have been erased from history. When a historical person's same-sex attraction is documented, s/he is claimed for Lesbian and Gay History Month. However, many of these famous people (like Sappho and Shakespeare) had male and female lovers. While we cannot determine how they would identify today (sexual orientation is a pretty recent concept), I want to know about the whole scope of their erotic lives, not just the "gay part." All of this is not to say that it's miserable to be bisexual. I absolutely love it and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am lucky to have a support network that includes a wonderful bisexual husband, lots of bi friends, a reasonably tolerant family and workplace, and a somewhat organized bi community. I love being around bisexuals because I feel that I can truly be myself, without having to explain everything. Besides, most bi folks I know are really interesting, creative, fun individuals whose lives have not followed the beaten path. I wish that every bisexual could have what I have, but most of them don't. 

While there has been a flowering of local, national and international bisexual organizations in the last decade, most bisexuals are still very isolated from each other. I think that's for several reasons, one being that many bisexuals have put their energy into other movements, like the gay and lesbian community, AIDS activism, anarchism, science fiction fandom, feminism, etc., and we often don't feel entitled to create a space just for ourselves. Another reason is that bisexuals tend to be ornery individualists; organizing us is commonly compared to herding cats. Finally, I think that the majority of bisexuals spend a lot of time and energy trying to create a personal life for themselves that works. 

The bisexual movement is still young, but it's coming of age.
(1) While there have been pockets of bisexual activity in many artsy/progressive communities (Bloomsbury for example), the current U.S. bisexual movement only got organized recently. Cutting their teeth on the lesbian/feminist and gay liberation movements (and later AIDS activism), bisexuals formed the first local bi groups in the 1970s. In 1990 the first national conference on bisexuality was held, and BiNet USA, a national organization that does bi organizing and lobbying along with national gay/lesbian groups, was formed. The bisexual movement is certainly not limited to the U.S. though. The 6th International Bisexual Conference was held in August 2000 in England. The Bisexual Resource Guide 2000 lists "over 300 bi groups and 1750 bi-inclusive groups in 56 countries." 
(2) If you are bisexual and you want a community, you have to build it: start your own group or get involved in what's already out there. And come out wherever you can. If you are not bisexual but you want to be an ally, then open your heart to bisexuals. Don't assume you know what our lives are like, what we want out of a relationship, or what we have experienced. Take the time to really get to know some bi folks (you probably already know some), and read one of the many good books now available on the subject, or check out a bi website. You'll find that the view from left field is worth the trip.

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Bisexual - Lesbians - Threesome - Foursome(Video)

Wow, they are kissing.
Romantic First Date 

I personally love a romantic picnic for 2.
1) Pick a quiet place by a lake or creek
2) bring a nice fluffy blanket
3) Bring 2 wine glasses along with a bottle of wine or a non alcohol sparkling beverage
4) Chocolate covered strawberries or some fruit sliced up
5) Cheese,Sliced Meat and some crackers

Then just relax.....get to know each other...share your thoughts and dreams.... Its the perfect setting for a perfect date.
 

Just Look!
video

        If you never try something new, your life's story will be boring.           

 The super surprise after getting home.

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How many people are lgbt?

Executive Summary

Increasing numbers of population-based surveys in the United  States and across the world include questions that allow for an estimate of the size of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) population. This research brief discusses challenges associated with collecting better information about the LGBT community and reviews eleven recent US and
international surveys that ask sexual orientation or gender identity questions. The brief concludes with estimates of the size of the LGBT population in the United States. 

Key findings from the research brief are as follows:
  • An estimated 3.5% of adults in the United States identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and an estimated 0.3% of adults are transgender.
  • This  implies that there are approximately 9 million LGBT Americans, a figure  roughly equivalent to the population of New Jersey.
  • Among adults who identify as LGB, bisexuals comprise a slight majority (1.8% compared to 1.7% who identify as lesbian or gay). 
  • Women are substantially more likely than men to identify as bisexual. Bisexuals comprise more than half of the lesbian and bisexual population among women in eight of the nine surveys considered in the brief. Conversely, gay men comprise substantially more than half of gay and bisexual men in seven of the nine surveys. 
  • Estimates of those who report any lifetime same-sex sexual behavior and any same-sex sexual attraction are substantially higher than estimates of those who  identify as LGB. An estimated19 million Americans (8.2%) report that they have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior and nearly 25.6 million Americans (11%) acknowledge at least some same-sex sexual attraction. 
  • Understanding the size of the LGBT population is a critical first step to informing a host
    of public policy and research topics. The surveys highlighted in this report demonstrate the viability of sexual orientation and gender identity questions on large national population - based surveys. Adding these questions to more national, state, and local data sources is critical to developing research that enables a better understanding of the understudied LGBT community.  
Introduction

Increasing numbers of population-based surveys in the United States and across the world  include questions designed to measure sexual orientation and gender identity. Understanding the size of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) population is a critical first step to informing a host of public policy and research topics. Examples include  assessing health and economic disparities in the LGBT community, understanding the  prevalence of anti-LGBT discrimination, and considering the economic impact of marriage  equality or the provision of domestic partnership benefits to same-sex couples.This research brief discusses challenges associated with collecting better information about the LGBT community and reviews findings from eleven recent US and international surveys that ask sexual orientation or gender identity questions. The brief concludes with estimates of the  size of the LGBT population in the United States. 

Challenges in measuring the LGBT community

Estimates of the size of the LGBT community vary  or a variety of reasons. These include differences in the definitions of who is included in the LGBT population, differences in survey methods, and a lack of consistent questions asked in a particular survey over time.  

In measuring sexual orientation, lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals may be identified strictly based on their self-identity or it may be possible to consider same-sex sexual behavior or sexual attraction. Some surveys (not considered in this brief) also assess household relationships and provide a mechanism of identifying those who are in same-sex relationships. Identity, behavior, attraction, and relationships all capture related dimensions of sexual orientation but none of these measures completely addresses the concept.  

Defining the transgender population can also be challenging. Definitions of who may be considered part of the transgender community include aspects of both gender identities and
varying forms of gender expression or non-conformity. Similar to sexual orientation, one way to measure the transgender community is to simply consider self-identity. Measures of identity could include consideration of terms like transgender, queer, or genderqueer. The latter two identities are used by some to capture aspects of both sexual orientation and gender identity.

Similar to using sexual behaviors and attraction to capture elements of sexual orientation, questions may also be devised that consider gender expression and non-conformity regardless of the terms individuals may use to describe themselves. An  example of these types of questions would be consideration of the relationship between the sex that individuals are assigned at birth and the degree to which that assignment conforms with  how they express their gender. Like the counterpart of measuring sexual orientation  through identity, behavior, and attraction measures, these varying approaches capture  related dimensions of who might be classified as transgender but may not individually address all aspects of assessing gender identity and expression. 

Another factor that can create variation among estimates of the LGBT community is survey methodology. Survey methods can affect the willingness of respondents to report
stigmatizing identities and behaviors. Feelings of confidentiality and anonymity increase  the likelihood that respondents will be more accurate in reporting sensitive information. Survey methods that include face-to-face interviews may underestimate the size of the LGBT  community while those that include methods that allow respondents to complete questions on a computer or via the internet may increase the likelihood of LGBT respondents identifying themselves. Varied sample sizes of surveys can also increase variation. Population-based surveys with a larger sample can produce more precise estimates (see SMART, 2010 for more information about survey methodology).

A final challenge in making population-based estimates of the LGBT community is the lack of questions asked over time on a single large survey. One way of assessing the reliability of
estimates is to repeat questions over time using a consistent method and sampling strategy. Adding questions to more large-scale surveys that are repeated over time would substantially improve our ability to make better estimates of the size of the LGBT population.

How many adults are lesbian, gay, or bisexual?

Findings shown in Figure 1 consider estimates of the percentage of adults who self-identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual across nine surveys conducted within the past seven years.  Five of those surveys were fielded in the United States and the others are from Canada,  the United Kingdom, Australia, and Norway. All are population-based surveys of adults, though
some have age restrictions as noted.

The lowest overall percentage comes from the Norwegian Living Conditions Survey at 1.2%, with the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, conducted in the United States, producing the highest estimate at 5.6%. In general, the non-US surveys, which vary from 1.2% to 2.1%, estimate lower percentages of LGB-identified individuals than the US surveys, which range from 1.7% to 5.6%.

While the surveys show a fairly wide variation in the overall percentage of adults who identify as LGB, the proportion who identify as lesbian/gay versus bisexual is some what more consistent (see Figure 2). In six of the surveys, lesbian- and gay-identified individuals  outnumbered bisexuals. In most cases, these surveys were roughly 60% lesbian/gay versus 40% bisexual. The UK Integrated Household Survey found the proportion to be two-thirds lesbian/gay versus one-third bisexual. 
The National Survey of Family Growth found results that were essentially the opposite of the UK survey with only 38% identifying as lesbian or gay compared to 62% identifying as bisexual. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior and the Australian Longitudinal Study of Health and Relationships both found a majority of respondents (55% and 59%, respectively) identifying as bisexual.

The surveys show even greater consistency in differences between men and women associated with lesbian/gay versus bisexual identity. Women are substantially more likely than men to identify as bisexual. Bisexuals comprise more than half of the lesbian and bisexual population among women in eight of the nine surveys considered (see  Figure  3).  Conversely, gay men comprise substantially more than half of gay and bisexual men in seven of the nine surveys.   
Four of the surveys analyzed also asked questions about either sexual behavior or
attraction. Within these surveys, a larger fraction of adults report same-sex attractions and behaviors than self-identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual (see Figure 4). With the exception
of the Norwegian survey, these differences are substantial. The two US surveys and the
Australian survey all suggest that adults are two to three times more likely to say that they are attracted to individuals of the same-sex or have had same-sex sexual experiences than they are to self-identify as LGB.   
How many adults are transgender?

Population-based data sources that estimate the percentage of adults who are transgender are very rare. The Massachusetts Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance Survey represents one of the few population-based surveys that include a question designed to identify the transgender population. Analyses of the 2007 and 2009 surveys suggest that 0.5% of adults aged 18-64 identified as transgender (Conron 2011).

The 2003 California LGBT Tobacco Survey found that 3.2% of LGBT individuals identified as transgender. Recall that the 2009 California Health Interview Survey estimates that 3.2% of adults in the state are LGB. If both of these estimates are true, it implies that approximately 0.1% of adults in California are transgender.

Several studies have reviewed multiple sources to construct estimates of a variety of dimensions of gender identity. Conway (2002) suggests that between 0.5% and 2% of the population have strong feelings of being transgender and between 0.1% and 0.5% actually take steps to transition from one gender to another. Olyslager and Conway (2007) refine Conway’s original estimates and posit that at least 0.5% of the population has taken some steps toward transition. Researchers in the United Kingdom (Reed, et al., 2009) suggest that perhaps 0.1% of adults are transgender (defined again as those who have transitioned in some capacity).  

Notably, the estimates of those who have transitioned are consistent with the survey- based estimates from California and Massachusetts. Those surveys both used questions that implied a transition or at least discordance between sex at birth and current gender presentation. 

How many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are there in the United States?

Federal data sources designed to provide population estimates in the United States (e.g., the Decennial Census or the American Community Survey) do not include direct questions regarding sexual orientation or gender identity. The findings shown in Figure 1 suggest  that no single survey offers a definitive estimate for the size of the LGBT community in the United States.

However, combining information from the population-based surveys considered in this brief offers a mechanism to produce credible estimates for the size of the LGBT community.  Specifically, estimates for sexual orientation identity will be derived by averaging results from the five US surveys identified in Figure 1.  

Separate averages are calculated for lesbian and bisexual women along with gay and bisexual men. An estimate for the transgender population is derived by averaging the findings from the Massachusetts and California surveys cited earlier.  

It should be noted that some transgender individuals may identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual. So it is not possible to make a precise combined LGBT estimate. Instead, Figure 5
presents separate estimates for the number of LGB adults and the number of transgender
adults.

The analyses suggest that there are more than 8 million adults in the US who are LGB, comprising 3.5% of the adult population. This is split nearly evenly between lesbian/gay and bisexual identified individuals, 1.7% and 1.8%, respectively. There are also nearly 700,000 transgender individuals in the US. Given these findings, it seems reasonable to assert that approximately 9 million Americans identify as LGBT. 
Averaging measures of same-sex sexual behavior yields an estimate of nearly 19 million
Americans (8.2%) who have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior. The National Survey of Family Growth is the only source of US data on attraction and suggests that 11% or nearly 25.6 million Americans acknowledge at least some same-sex sexual attraction.

By way of comparison, these analyses suggest that the size of the LGBT community is roughly equivalent to the population of New Jersey. The number of adults who have had same-sex sexual experiences is approximately equal to the population of Florida while those who have some same-sex attraction comprise more individuals than the population of Texas. 

The surveys highlighted in this report demonstrate the viability of sexual orientation and gender identity questions on large-scale national population-based surveys. States and municipal governments are often testing grounds for the implementation of new LGBT- related public policies or can be directly affected by national-level policies. Adding sexual  orientation and gender identity questions to national data sources that can provide local- level estimates and to state and municipal surveys is critical to assessing the potential efficacy and impact of such policies.

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A threesome! A threesome! My kingdom for a threesome! (A multi-part series)

Before we get involved with one of the most controversial dilemmas for women lets first place 100 SINGLE bisexual women in a room who can respond honestly to two basic questions.

1) Have you ever had a sexual fantasy of a Female/Female/Male threesome?
2) As the single female have you ever experienced this fantasy?
I know all of you reading this already know the answer and you would be correct. Close to 100 of them will respond yes to the first question and close to 100 will response no to the second question. HMMM I wonder why the difference. There are many reasons. Initially, I will talk about the number one road block for most of us to enjoy one of the most gratifying of sexual experiences. There is truly nothing like the best of both worlds in one bed together if conditions are perfect.

How many of you have seen personal ads like this: "Young attractive couple seeking single female 18 to 29 to explore intimacy". I am sure way too many to count. I just cannot explain why thousands of women are not jumping at this unique opportunity especially since most of us would love it.
Here is the answer.

Now let's place 100 men in a room and ask them to list their top 5 sexual fantasies. First, I am not sure most of these men could write down 5 fantasies. Getting past two or three could be a challenge. Yes, you guessed it. Drum roll please. The number one MALE fantasy is THE THREESOME. The F/F/M fantasy is male dominated. There is nothing greater to a male ego than telling his friends that he made it with two women at the same time. What a stud.

The last thing in the world us ladies want is to be used by a man and will avoid it at all costs even if it means giving up certain pleasures. Surrendering our sexual power, and what we pack is one of the most powerful weapons on earth, to a man as far as I am concerned is NEVER going to happen. I am in control of my body, period the end. If I want to have this fantasy come true it will be under my terms.

My advice to single women around the world is to respect who you are and NEVER respond to such classified ads. I have yet to meet a woman who has but I am sure they are out there. Who are these people that want my body? What if I am not attracted to them? How do I know they will not hurt me? How do I know they will not drug me? How do I know it is even a male/female couple sending out the ad? How do I get myself out of a bad situation once I get into it? Too many negatives to take a chance.

Now that we got that out of the way, you are wondering, again speaking strictly as the single woman, how do I find this experience if in fact I do wish to experiment. That will come up in part 2 of the series.

Love and Understanding
Beth

Beth has been a "guru" for Bicurious women for over eight years.

She and her husband own and operate, Wild Women Vacations, of Las Vegas, which provides events and vacations catering to the Bi and Bicurious community, in safe and secure environments. Beth grew up in New Orleans, where as a teenager, discovered she was equally attracted to men and women and developed an understanding of her sexuality. She has explored the Bi lifestyle and helped many others come to "find themselves" and feel comfortable with being intimate with both genders.

When dealing with human sexuality the number of issues and relationships are almost endless. The mission of her advice column is to answer many questions women have dealing with their bisexuality.

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Perfect hasband, perfect kids, perfect life. Wait! Something is missing.

I dedicate this column to all you soccer moms who have given up so much of yourselves to insure and protect the security and sanctity of your lives.

At every crossroad of life you have made the most logical decisions. You picked the right man, you are the proud mother of two beautiful children, you chose the best schools, the best neighborhood and you even have a great job that is not too stressful. All is right with the world. You crown yourself"Super Woman of the Year " Then one day you start thinking. "I have cared for everyone for years, when is it going to be my turn?" "I have secrets I can no longer hold inside of me."

The next thing you know, sitting quietly at the dinner table without the kids, like a bolt out if the blue you tell your husband that the desire to become intimate with another woman is all you think about. You wait for a reaction. If appalled by the notion, you are in trouble. It may take days, weeks, months or even years to convince him that it has nothing to do with him and this "threat" to his ego is unfounded. Men can be children sometimes. If he has a sly little smile on his face, it is time to celebrate.

Hold it. Not so fast. The time to celebrate comes later. The ground rules have to be laid out. Do you want this encounter with or without your man around? Can he get involved if you OK his presence? What if the object of your affection is also married? What role, if any, will the other husband play in the melodrama? Finally, the most damaging of questions: What if your friends and family find out let alone business associates? It is not as easy as you may think and the answers could cause you to back off and not pursue you fantasy.

These hard questions must be asked and answered to both your satisfactions before you figure out how to go about finding another woman.

OK You are all set. The Q & A process is complete. You are ready to go out and find a woman outside your home town. The dating sites are great for this. Set your parameters and start searching. It may take a bit of time typing away at your PC before both parties are comfortable enough to meet face to face. With any luck your encounter will be successful. If not try, try again.

Without sounding too self promoting, you attend one of our Wild Women Vacations events. This removes the time factor and there will be many women to choose from or better yet it is very possible that many women will choose you. Since everybody is there basically for the same purpose, the chances are relatively high that your long standing desires will be fulfilled. I would have to say that during any single event, our soccer moms will represent 30% - 50% of our guests and they tend to become our most loyal clients. We have seen husband/wife relationships rekindled with passion, trust and a new respect for each other. It is always great to receive those thank you e-mails and phone calls.

Love and Understanding
Beth
Perfect hasband, perfect kids, perfect life. Wait! Something is missing.
Beth has been a "guru" for Bicurious women for over eight years.

She and her husband own and operate, Wild Women Vacations, of Las Vegas, which provides events and vacations catering to the Bi and Bicurious community, in safe and secure environments. Beth grew up in New Orleans, where as a teenager, discovered she was equally attracted to men and women and developed an understanding of her sexuality. She has explored the Bi lifestyle and helped many others come to "find themselves" and feel comfortable with being intimate with both genders.

When dealing with human sexuality the number of issues and relationships are almost endless. The mission of her advice column is to answer many questions women have dealing with their bisexuality.

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About Bi or Not

We have set up the site just for you, since we've been there too. We welcome bisexual and bi curious from all walks of life for frank and honest bi chat, meet and discussion. Perhaps you're single ? Or maybe you're couple, or perhaps in a relationship, and don't know where and how to start, or if this is even for you ? Maybe you're experiencing feelings towards other bisexual and bicurious you just can't get your head around ? You'll meet many others just like you in our support sites. And we really hope we can help even if it is just an ear to listen or a bit of advice. One thing's for sure, you'll certainly make some friends along the way !
  • Welcome to Bi or Not - The largest Bisexual and Bicurious Site in the World !
Your Faverite Bisexual Women
At Bi or Not we'd like to think you have just found the favorite bi site, completely dedicated to Bisexual and Bicurious Singles or Couples all over the world. Our goal is to provide a world's first, largest, secure and most effective, non-threatening, sleaze-free support and advice forum for bisexual and bicurious individuals exploring their bisexual desires, romance, passions, dating and love. Perhaps struggling to come to terms with strange feelings towards others ? Or wondering how to 'fit' their bisexuality into their day to day lives ? You will be able to ask bisexual FAQ, take part in discussions, join bisexual fashion show, read about others bi experiences, bi date ideas and of course, meet hot bi singles and couples in your local area.

This site is not pornographic, it's simply a meeting point for likeminded and openminded bi friends struggling with their feelings. With over a million topics and posts, and thousands of members, our community is very attractive and has been bi online dating business for over 12 years!

It's definately not all serious stuff though. We have plenty of light hearted and fun chill-out areas. You may also post your own status updates, keep up to date with them all via our site latest and personal messages. You can even start your own blog and forum if you like. We'd love to see you there. You'll be warmly welcomed. It only takes a little while to register and is completely free !


  • Keep Calm and Be Bi!
Bisex Dating is An Art.
When we started Bi or Not we were absolutely amazed by the response. There are obviously a lot of members feeling like us out there. Here are just a few comments some of our gold members have to say...

"I believe I have found a good, if not great, match for me. Hopefully, I will be the same for her. I wish luck and happiness to all others on your site who are searching! I have found what I was looking for and no longer am searching---thanks to your site."

"The service is very user friendly. We had two very, very successful matches. One a single bi female the other a married bi couple. Unfortunately my wife changed her mind and no longer wants to pursue the relationships. So I no longer require the web site membership. I hope she will someday change her mind and if so we will be back to start a new membership. Thank You."

"I was so happy to FINALLY meet QUALITY people on a website! Living in Northern California it is very hard to meet the type of person I need to fulfill my wants and needs! I found the PERFECT person for me on your wonderful site. I was about to just give up and so was she! We have connected in so many other ways than just fun sex! I would highly recommend your site to EVERYONE who is looking for that special person! Out of all the websites I found with free or paid memberships, yours is the one that is definately worth every cent! Again we thank you so much! "

"We are totally satisfied with your website :-) we have met some great people here. We are deleteing this account only because we are in a long term relationship with another couple from this site now... And have been for a while. So we feel we should pull our account so the other people who keep contacting us don't get discouraged by the lack of responses."
  • Why not Get Started Here ?
Bi Love is The Best Love.
We care about your security and privacy very seriously. We do not disclose, sell or rent any personally identifiable information to any third party organizations. With the utilization of the most innovative technology, your registration and login at Bi or Not are under the highest protection. You are not required to submit any information you are not comfortable with. All your personal information can be private and anonymous. Moreover, highly-secured order processing services are used. If you could take a moment or two to go over these, either in the 'Privacy Policy/Service Agreement' Section, or in the Blogs/Forums themselves we would be very grateful.

Thank you, and we hope you enjoy our Dating Site - BisexualOnlineDating.com!

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The largest Bisexual and Bicurious Site in the World !

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